Yoga in Black, described unofficially if not on the website as satanic, recoils from modish body fascism in stark white-walled crucibles.
Instead, it is uncompetitive in kind lighting with a soundtrack described as dark ambient, doom metal, drone and Gothic rock.
The theme is acceptance and for those who know their chakras it's a variation of Dru yoga. There's plenty of movement and it all looks achievable, unlike the contortionist stuff of the fanatics.
Just as I am thoughtfully examining the gel-filled pee bags kept in the glove box, someone emerges from the nearest house with several bags of post-festivity rubbish and recycling.
She says I look 'overwhelmed', not 'demonically possessed', please note. A bossy Dachsund called Colin teaches me a ball game. This is the closest I get to a family Christmas.